Ballad of the Ogre

As I was walking one moonless night
I saw a maiden fair
She was trembling and white with fright
And I couldn't leave her there

She said an ogre had stole her away
To his home beyond the trees
She escaped while he slept that day
But was now full of unease

I said "fair maiden there's nothing to fear
I'll protect you on this road
Look ahead-the dawn is near
Let's find your abode."

The maiden accepted gratefully
As we set off down the trail
We laughed and chatted aimlessly
But soon heard the ogre's wail

The maiden looked at me with dread
And clutched me by the arm
"Do not worry, dear," I said
"You will not come to harm."

As we walked, we could hear
The ogre getting close
The maiden wished to disappear
But I begged her to compose

When, at last, the ogre found
His escaping bride
He let out an awful sound
And opened his jaws wide

He could eat us with one bite
So I removed my cloak
But as I readied for a fight
The ogre went and spoke!

"Why did you leave me, Gillian?
I told you I'd adapt
I'm sorry that I made you run-
I really am inapt."

The maiden turned to look at him
With fire in her eyes
"I did not leave you on a whim-
I know about the lies.

You promised me you wouldn't eat
Humans anymore
But I found your stash of meat
Beneath the kitchen floor."

"But hon, that's what ogres do.
I can't change overnight."
"Well then, if that's your view,
I'll stay at my mom's tonight."

The forest started rumbling
As they argued to and fro
The ogre started grumbling
And I knew I had to go

I quietly resumed my path
As they worked out their strife
I didn't want to face the wrath
Between an ogre and his wife!


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